party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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