Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
