They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
