It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
