I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
