I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
