goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize