I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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