She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
