In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
