having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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