Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
