mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
