turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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