well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
