Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
