Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize