Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
