giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize