True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
