Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
