i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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