none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
