Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
