Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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