Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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