dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
