After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize