i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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