Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
