can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
