Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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