Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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