you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
