You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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