I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this will be a night to untag.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
