I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
