Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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