Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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