I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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