Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there was a trapeze. enough said
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
