i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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