She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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