Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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