All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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