We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
