good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
