When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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