I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
