May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
