Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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