You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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