You smell like a Billy Joel song
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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