did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
