If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
