words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
