first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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