She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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