It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
