Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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