yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
