Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
