The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
