So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
