My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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