why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
