8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize