i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
