We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
