the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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