You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
