when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
