a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
how drunk are you?
Several
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize