I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
