i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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