So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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