i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
