Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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