My brain says no but my pants say off.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize