adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
