I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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