It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
