Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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