what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
