you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
