i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
