You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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